Thirteen years ago I entered the fight against my husband’s compulsive porn use. Although I didn't know it at the time--and it certainly didn't feel like it--taking a firm stance against porn was the best thing I could have done. Through much counseling, group work, and hard work, our marriage is now happy and porn-free. My husband, Mark, is now a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist, and together we have built a thriving recovery community on the Central Coast of California. This is the birth place of Fight For Love Ministries - a team of passionate women committed to bringing hope and truth to other women battling porn in their relationships.
The reason I founded Fight For Love Ministries was that I remember feeling so alone at the very beginning of our journey. It felt like I was the only one going through this. Mark got relief and comfort from his support group, but I had nobody. I was confused, hopeless, and riddled with guilt that somehow I was responsible for his problem. Creating my own support group and educating myself with the facts was my path out of my shame and pain.
When I began to learn about porn addiction, I was shocked to discover how the brain is literally rewired by porn usage. No wonder my husband was acting differently and had lost the ability to relate! Then I got mad. Really mad. If porn was this dangerous, why on earth was it still being promoted in the media as healthy for relationships, and empowering for women? And why was the advice given to Christian wives of porn addicts always focused on having more sex? Because let me tell you, this strategy doesn't work. In fact, it actually makes things worse.
Sisters, you don't need to try harder, you just need to understand what you are dealing with, and which strategy will actually work.
Our vision at Fight For Love Ministries is for all women to have a baseline of information about the dangers of porn, and the way out of addiction, so that every marriage has a fighting chance. At the moment, over 60% of divorces say obsessive porn use is a contributing factor. It is not enough to simply pick up the wounded anymore, we have to go on the offensive.
Evil has infiltrated our households and is infecting our husbands, and children, and perhaps even ourselves. Is God really asking us to be silent? To sit back and watch our marriages and lives disintegrate? Or is he calling us to rise up and tear down the idols of porn within our homes?
Sister, friend, go fight for love!